I wish I could punch you in the face.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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