I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
