I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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