I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
