sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He passed out mid-signature
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
