with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
