Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
