oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
