even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
