Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
