Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You took a bar mat shot.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
