I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
