OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
