I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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