College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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