I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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