I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
