I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
