ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
