i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
