I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
