Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
