You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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