Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
