Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
