I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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