I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I looked at my own cervix.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
