WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish you could order shots online.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
