can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
