i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
