guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
