the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
