sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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