Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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