Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i think im in europe. pls send help
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
