I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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