she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
