At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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