Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
