He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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