So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
