Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Randomize