i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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