Swine flu. Run for my life!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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