He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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