Sry I called you an 8
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
