So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
