found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
