my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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