the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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