Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
