you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
