There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
