he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
