dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize