a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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