Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
