I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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