I cannot find my penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
