I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
