i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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