I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
