Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i barfeds in our rink
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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