ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
