After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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