lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
