She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
