dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
