Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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