have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this just has baby written all over it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
