I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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