I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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