we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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