Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
