You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
