I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
