Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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