need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
