my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
