oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can I color on your dick again?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize