at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
