If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
