I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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