You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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