you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
