Its about making memories worth repressing
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
