I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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