I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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