I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
